This is inspired by the Picard Vs. Adama YouTube Video that I linked to this blog as "When TNG Trek & BSG Collide".
After the successful Colo Claw Fish rescue of Kyro by the TOS Crew, in the distant reaches of space on board the Enterprise-E, Picard was plotting to shove the rest of Star Trek down Kyro's throat. Picard said, "Guys, there is a Colo Claw Fish who calls me boring and bossy and it ever irritates me. He enjoys too much Star Wars, saying that it is more spiritual than my series! The only non-Star Wars space series he enjoys is Kirk's series and man I hater living in Kirk's shadow! He does not kill his opponents as much as I do because he says it is "playing God". I must escape Kirk's looming shadow." Riker said, "I agree, you are the best captain in the universe. I hate Kyro's parties too, he thinks that Star Wars is cooler than us! He calls us boring and you bossy." The TNG Crew stewed in their jealous rage against Kyro.
Meanwhile, the Big G left Naboo behind and went into jump. Adama said, "The Star Trek TOS Crew and their new pet Colo Claw Fish think that they are out of my clutches, they are wrong!" Then he got a signal picking up another vessel larger than Kirk's ship but smaller than his.
The scanner depicted the third vessel as approaching the Galactica. Kyro's choosing to go with the TOS Crew had generated such hostility towards Kyro in Adama. But he became more worried about the approaching vessel first. On the Enterprise-E as it was in warp towards Galactica, Picard said, "Data, scan for any vessels in this region of space." Data said, "Aye sir, scanning and I am picking up a larger starship than ours of configuration we have not yet seen before. We are heading towards it." Picard said, "Stay on course, we must see what it is. If it is an enemy vessel, we must fire shots in all directions. This can be an opportunity to sway Kyro to liking us." Picard was overconfident as his ship drew nearer to the Big G.
As the two ships got in sight of each other, Kirk and his crew on their ship watched in the distance as they drew nearer to each other to fight. Spock said, "I see a larger ship of Federation-style configuration up against an even bigger opponent of unknown configuration. It appears that they are going to fight each other, but for what?" Kirk said, "I know about the "unknown configuration", it is Admiral William Adama's ship, Galactica. I also know the captain of the other ship, it is Jean-Luc Picard, who bossed me around in the Nexxus. He is in the Enterprise-E. The Enterprise-E and the Big G are going to collide." Uhura said, "I am getting a message from the Enterprise-E, it is Captain Picard." Kirk said, "On screen." Picard appeared on screen.
Picard screamed at the top of his lungs, "Kirk, I HATE your pet Colo Claw Fish, Kyro's dislike for my series, I am doing this to get him to like me and stop seeing me as boring and bossy." Kirk said, "Picard, by doing this, you will only give Kyro more reason to dislike you, he told me as I escorted him to my ship at Naboo that he does not like this kind of aggression." Picard yelled, "I HATE you Jim Kirk and I HATE Kyro! I must battle Adama like this to escape your shadow!" Kirk said, "Your talk about my shadow over you is you being jealous, you are an unoriginal and I am an original. By "escaping my shadow", you plan to be remembered as the best captain in the universe. You are by far the worst Star Trek captain ever because you hide your anger towards your father not letting you join Starfleet, are crabby, and bossy!" Picard cut off communications.
The Enterprise-E and the Galactica collided and suddenly they both exploded and were destroyed. Kirk said, "Tragic that Picard, who claimed to be diplomatic, was aggressive all because of anger spawned by his dad and his envy of living in my shadow. Also because of Kyro, how could a peaceful Colo Claw Fish cause so much rage in that captain all because of his interests! Adama thought that war was the only way to solve problems, I know that it is something to be avoided. This destructive collision is the result of choosing the paths of anger and war, both of them." Spock said, "Adama and Picard were both illogical." The Enterprise left for the distant stars.
Sunday, December 27, 2009
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
Colo Claw Fish Fan Fiction 1: Sci-Fi edition
Note: Star Wars is not even science fiction, it is space fantasy since they use what they call the "Force". This is a fan fiction intended to prove that Star Trek is a better sci-fi franchise than Battlestar Galactica, especially the re-imagined series from 2004 to 2009.
A peaceable, effeminate, and fun-loving Colo Claw Fish named Kyro had just eaten when he came across an obsessive-compulsive crab with a carapace the size of an automobile tire called Cranky. Cranky was already a familiar face to Kyro, and he screamed this Force Argument (Ad Baculum), "Kyro, Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) is the BEST security blanket ever and stop being a party animal! If you don't believe it and keep being a party animal, I will have a Sando Aqua Monster named Sabirius come over and he will eat you for LUNCH! I LOVE my OCD!" Kyro said, "Cranky, OCD is not a security blanket, it is a form of insecurity. Being a party animal is way cooler than suffering from OCD. I love throwing peace parties because I believe in peace! You need to get treatment to cure you OCD." For the first time in his life, Kyro was to see things from space genres outside of Star Wars, Star Trek: The Original Series (TOS) Motion Pictures and the re-imagined Battlestar Galactica. He already knew about Star Trek, and he did not like Star Trek: The Next Generation (TNG) one bit, especially TNG flicks like Insurrection and Nemesis he found it too boring and Jean-Luc Picard too bossy. He liked Star Wars better than Star Trek.
A colonial viper and a travel pod approached Kyro and both offered to take him on their starships. Admirak Adama in the Viper said, "Colo Claw Fish, I am Admiral William Adama, and I will go to war to protect you, I will kill any Sando Aqua Monster that approaches you." Captain Kirk in the travel pod said, "Colo Claw Fish, I am James T Kirk, captain of the Enterprise, and I promise to take you under my wing and I will stun any Sando Aqua Monster that tries to eat you. You can fly on the Starship Enterprise with me." Adama said, "Kirk, your quaint Enterprise, give me a break, my Galactica is a lot bigger, more powerful, and roomier than your quaint ship." Kyro was for peace and quickly decided that he did not want to be associated with warlike individuals like Adama, and he likes Star Trek TOS's positive outlook.
Kyro said, "Captain Kirk, my name is Kyro, and I will go with you, Adama is too aggressive, he seems to want to have war and kill Sando Aqua Monsters like my arched foe Sabirius while you only would stun them." Kirk's travel pod escorted Kyro towards the Enterprise. Kyro asked, "Captain Kirk, how do I get in your vessel?" Kirk answered, "Kyro, Scotty has prepared the cargo holds to store you and will open the shuttle bay doors to let you swim on in." Kyro said, "Ice cold, meaning cooler than cool, you are the best! Although the Sando Aqua Monsters, including Sabirius, are my foes, I still rather not have them killed, your idea to stun them is the best defense." Kirk said, "I agree, Captain Picard, like Adama, seems to want to decide who lives and who dies. Picard would have wanted to kill instead of stun Sabirius." Kyro said, "I know about him, he is so boring and bossy, and I certainly do not want to be with him or watch his show or flicks. That is why I prefer Star Wars over Star Trek, but your Star Trek is good enough for me." Kirk and Kyro approached the Enterprise that was underwater waiting for them.
As they got near, Kirk said, "Scotty, open hanger bay doors and let our eel guest Kyro the Colo Claw Fish in." Scotty said, "Aye Captain, opening hanger bay doors so Kyro can swim in." As Kyro swam into the Enterprise, he said, "Thank you Scotty for opening the hanger bay doors and letting me in. I look forward to my cosmic slumber where I will be at peace. I just want to snuggle up under those covers I see." Scotty said, "Kyro, I made those covers for you to curl up under and be snug while you hibernate." Kyro got under and wrapped up tightly in the comforter that Scotty made for him.
As the hanger bay doors were closing, Sabirius caught the scent of his eel prey emanating from inside the Enterprise. Sabirius said, "Kyro, you think that you can hide from me in that rusty clunker, you can't! Haw haw ha ha ha he he he he!" Captain Kirk spotted Sabirius and went to confront the leviathan.
As Kirk approached the Sabirius, Cranky was with the massive beast saying, "My OCD is the BOMB!" Sabirius said, "Captain Dork, if you try to rescue my eel prey, I will wreck your starship. That rusty clunker of yours will not even make it out of this ocean! I will cut Kyro in half with my breathtaking meat cleaver! Haw haw ha ha ha he he he he!" Kirk said, "Sabirius, you will address me as Captain James Tibiris Kirk, so stop calling me "Captain Dork"! Stop insulting the Enterprise you mean leviathan, my Scotty in particular would be most offended by you talking like that about his baby. I order you to leave the Colo Claw Fish alone, he is under my protection! Do not underestimate me or my vessel, it has phasers and photon torpedoes, and will defend itself. If you keep up this bullying Mr. Sulu has orders to stun you." Kirk then hurried back to the Enterprise and docked at the docking port behind the bridge.
On the bridge, Kirk said, "Mr. Checkov, find a way for us to maneuver out of here. Mr. Sulu, follow the course that Checkov plots." Uhura said, "I am getting a message from Sabirius, he is screaming for you to surrender this vessel and hand over his prey." Kirk said, "No reply, we are protecting his prey." The Enterprise started to taxi out of the seas of Naboo.
Sabirius swam after the larger taxing starship and cackled, "Captain Dork, how dare you try to rescue Kyro from me, he is my lunch. That is because he pissed Cranky off with his floppy fins and eel-like body and having too much fun! I will grab onto your vessel and seal Kyro's fate! Haw haw ha ha ha he he he he!" Kirk said, "Sulu, prepare aft phaser banks and set them on stun." Sulu said, "Aye sir, setting aft phaser banks above hanger bay doors on stun and locking on target." The Enterprise stunned the pursuing leviathan and made its way out of the obstacles safely.
Once all obstacles were clear, the Enterprise accelerated towards the surface. Five minutes later, the Enterprise bursted out of the water at Theed and took off like an airplane for the stars. Ten minutes later, the Enterprise was in outer space. Kirk said, "Sulu, Impulse power now." Sulu replied, "Aye sir, going on full impulse power." The Enterprise left Naboo behind.
Kyro was enjoying his starflight on the Enterprise. He said, "Finally, I can put Cranky and Sabirius behind me and live my life in peace. No more Force Arguments against me all because I am a party animal. Thank you TOS crew for rescuing me, I look forward to our arrival at my new home." Kyro wrapped the covers around his body even tighter.
As the Enterprise exited Naboo's star system, Kirk said, "Scotty, we need warp drive as soon as possible." Scotty said, "Warp drive is fully functional and ready now." Kirk said, "Warp speed now, Warp 7!" The Enterprise started to accelerate, "Warp 1... Warp 2... Warp 3... Warp 4... Warp 5... Warp 6... Warp 7!" The hum of this acceleration lulled Kyro to sleep and he had sweet dreams of peace. The Enterprise headed for the distant stars.
A peaceable, effeminate, and fun-loving Colo Claw Fish named Kyro had just eaten when he came across an obsessive-compulsive crab with a carapace the size of an automobile tire called Cranky. Cranky was already a familiar face to Kyro, and he screamed this Force Argument (Ad Baculum), "Kyro, Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) is the BEST security blanket ever and stop being a party animal! If you don't believe it and keep being a party animal, I will have a Sando Aqua Monster named Sabirius come over and he will eat you for LUNCH! I LOVE my OCD!" Kyro said, "Cranky, OCD is not a security blanket, it is a form of insecurity. Being a party animal is way cooler than suffering from OCD. I love throwing peace parties because I believe in peace! You need to get treatment to cure you OCD." For the first time in his life, Kyro was to see things from space genres outside of Star Wars, Star Trek: The Original Series (TOS) Motion Pictures and the re-imagined Battlestar Galactica. He already knew about Star Trek, and he did not like Star Trek: The Next Generation (TNG) one bit, especially TNG flicks like Insurrection and Nemesis he found it too boring and Jean-Luc Picard too bossy. He liked Star Wars better than Star Trek.
A colonial viper and a travel pod approached Kyro and both offered to take him on their starships. Admirak Adama in the Viper said, "Colo Claw Fish, I am Admiral William Adama, and I will go to war to protect you, I will kill any Sando Aqua Monster that approaches you." Captain Kirk in the travel pod said, "Colo Claw Fish, I am James T Kirk, captain of the Enterprise, and I promise to take you under my wing and I will stun any Sando Aqua Monster that tries to eat you. You can fly on the Starship Enterprise with me." Adama said, "Kirk, your quaint Enterprise, give me a break, my Galactica is a lot bigger, more powerful, and roomier than your quaint ship." Kyro was for peace and quickly decided that he did not want to be associated with warlike individuals like Adama, and he likes Star Trek TOS's positive outlook.
Kyro said, "Captain Kirk, my name is Kyro, and I will go with you, Adama is too aggressive, he seems to want to have war and kill Sando Aqua Monsters like my arched foe Sabirius while you only would stun them." Kirk's travel pod escorted Kyro towards the Enterprise. Kyro asked, "Captain Kirk, how do I get in your vessel?" Kirk answered, "Kyro, Scotty has prepared the cargo holds to store you and will open the shuttle bay doors to let you swim on in." Kyro said, "Ice cold, meaning cooler than cool, you are the best! Although the Sando Aqua Monsters, including Sabirius, are my foes, I still rather not have them killed, your idea to stun them is the best defense." Kirk said, "I agree, Captain Picard, like Adama, seems to want to decide who lives and who dies. Picard would have wanted to kill instead of stun Sabirius." Kyro said, "I know about him, he is so boring and bossy, and I certainly do not want to be with him or watch his show or flicks. That is why I prefer Star Wars over Star Trek, but your Star Trek is good enough for me." Kirk and Kyro approached the Enterprise that was underwater waiting for them.
As they got near, Kirk said, "Scotty, open hanger bay doors and let our eel guest Kyro the Colo Claw Fish in." Scotty said, "Aye Captain, opening hanger bay doors so Kyro can swim in." As Kyro swam into the Enterprise, he said, "Thank you Scotty for opening the hanger bay doors and letting me in. I look forward to my cosmic slumber where I will be at peace. I just want to snuggle up under those covers I see." Scotty said, "Kyro, I made those covers for you to curl up under and be snug while you hibernate." Kyro got under and wrapped up tightly in the comforter that Scotty made for him.
As the hanger bay doors were closing, Sabirius caught the scent of his eel prey emanating from inside the Enterprise. Sabirius said, "Kyro, you think that you can hide from me in that rusty clunker, you can't! Haw haw ha ha ha he he he he!" Captain Kirk spotted Sabirius and went to confront the leviathan.
As Kirk approached the Sabirius, Cranky was with the massive beast saying, "My OCD is the BOMB!" Sabirius said, "Captain Dork, if you try to rescue my eel prey, I will wreck your starship. That rusty clunker of yours will not even make it out of this ocean! I will cut Kyro in half with my breathtaking meat cleaver! Haw haw ha ha ha he he he he!" Kirk said, "Sabirius, you will address me as Captain James Tibiris Kirk, so stop calling me "Captain Dork"! Stop insulting the Enterprise you mean leviathan, my Scotty in particular would be most offended by you talking like that about his baby. I order you to leave the Colo Claw Fish alone, he is under my protection! Do not underestimate me or my vessel, it has phasers and photon torpedoes, and will defend itself. If you keep up this bullying Mr. Sulu has orders to stun you." Kirk then hurried back to the Enterprise and docked at the docking port behind the bridge.
On the bridge, Kirk said, "Mr. Checkov, find a way for us to maneuver out of here. Mr. Sulu, follow the course that Checkov plots." Uhura said, "I am getting a message from Sabirius, he is screaming for you to surrender this vessel and hand over his prey." Kirk said, "No reply, we are protecting his prey." The Enterprise started to taxi out of the seas of Naboo.
Sabirius swam after the larger taxing starship and cackled, "Captain Dork, how dare you try to rescue Kyro from me, he is my lunch. That is because he pissed Cranky off with his floppy fins and eel-like body and having too much fun! I will grab onto your vessel and seal Kyro's fate! Haw haw ha ha ha he he he he!" Kirk said, "Sulu, prepare aft phaser banks and set them on stun." Sulu said, "Aye sir, setting aft phaser banks above hanger bay doors on stun and locking on target." The Enterprise stunned the pursuing leviathan and made its way out of the obstacles safely.
Once all obstacles were clear, the Enterprise accelerated towards the surface. Five minutes later, the Enterprise bursted out of the water at Theed and took off like an airplane for the stars. Ten minutes later, the Enterprise was in outer space. Kirk said, "Sulu, Impulse power now." Sulu replied, "Aye sir, going on full impulse power." The Enterprise left Naboo behind.
Kyro was enjoying his starflight on the Enterprise. He said, "Finally, I can put Cranky and Sabirius behind me and live my life in peace. No more Force Arguments against me all because I am a party animal. Thank you TOS crew for rescuing me, I look forward to our arrival at my new home." Kyro wrapped the covers around his body even tighter.
As the Enterprise exited Naboo's star system, Kirk said, "Scotty, we need warp drive as soon as possible." Scotty said, "Warp drive is fully functional and ready now." Kirk said, "Warp speed now, Warp 7!" The Enterprise started to accelerate, "Warp 1... Warp 2... Warp 3... Warp 4... Warp 5... Warp 6... Warp 7!" The hum of this acceleration lulled Kyro to sleep and he had sweet dreams of peace. The Enterprise headed for the distant stars.
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
Orion Beliefs
Hello, I am Orion Man, president of the Orion Sensation Blog, devoted to promoting space science and bashing militarism. Before we get started, I will write down the Orion Sensation's beliefs.
1) We believe in promoting a positive future for humanity in outer space and protesting militarism.
2) We believe that interstellar spacecraft like my proposed Project Orion II are way better than any militaristic vehicle or vessel.
3) We believe in peace and that those who think that war is the answer and that the only way to have our freedom is to fight are fools.
4) We will do stories, jokes at militarism's expense, exposes on the many lies of war junkies, etc.
5) We are a family-safe destination, so no gratuitous content or expletives are allowed.
6) We believe that Star Trek is the best science fiction franchise and that Battlestar Galactica is the worst.
7) This is a non-profit club, so anyone who wants to join can do it free of charge, especially because war junkies like Haliburton are for profit and make big bucks off of war.
8) Our mascot would be the Colo Claw Fish, an eel-like creature briefly seen in Star Wars Episode I, but we are more positive with them. Colo Claw Fish are much better than GI Joe for example.
9) We believe that any war supporter who forsakes his old lifestyle of supporting militarism is welcome and they must make the switch to peace, and without any force.
As the Vulcans say, "Live Long and Prosper, and Peace and Long Life."
Club Slogan:
Let's DUMP the War Junkies, Take Me to the Stars, Baby!
1) We believe in promoting a positive future for humanity in outer space and protesting militarism.
2) We believe that interstellar spacecraft like my proposed Project Orion II are way better than any militaristic vehicle or vessel.
3) We believe in peace and that those who think that war is the answer and that the only way to have our freedom is to fight are fools.
4) We will do stories, jokes at militarism's expense, exposes on the many lies of war junkies, etc.
5) We are a family-safe destination, so no gratuitous content or expletives are allowed.
6) We believe that Star Trek is the best science fiction franchise and that Battlestar Galactica is the worst.
7) This is a non-profit club, so anyone who wants to join can do it free of charge, especially because war junkies like Haliburton are for profit and make big bucks off of war.
8) Our mascot would be the Colo Claw Fish, an eel-like creature briefly seen in Star Wars Episode I, but we are more positive with them. Colo Claw Fish are much better than GI Joe for example.
9) We believe that any war supporter who forsakes his old lifestyle of supporting militarism is welcome and they must make the switch to peace, and without any force.
As the Vulcans say, "Live Long and Prosper, and Peace and Long Life."
Club Slogan:
Let's DUMP the War Junkies, Take Me to the Stars, Baby!
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